Food For Thought

True love is: loving someone despite how much or well they love you.

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Transparency Tuesday: I Don’t Like People!

Preface: Transparency Tuesday is a new concept I’d like to experiment with here on the blog. Each Tuesday my post will be about an issue I’m dealing with in my life, on a personal level. Whether it’s about the business I have (finding influencers, the struggle with giving things away for nothing, going “bankrupt” the first 3 months I was in business, etc), or my own personal issues surrounding love, life and being a mom. Please be kind. The only way we’re going to make change happen is when we’re honest with ourselves.

Now without further ado…. my very first #TransparencyTuesday….

What is holding you back?”

I have been asking myself that same question for what feels like more than half of my life. Since I was young I’ve been in pursuit of a higher plane of existence –  I’ve had an urge to live an unconventional life: doing purposeful things, making good money, and being happy. I’ve never wanted to just existBut for some reason, something stops me from breaking through the barrier.

Today, when I asked that elusive question I was really honest with myself, and the answer I had was this:

I have a distaste for people. . . which, is predicated on my expectations of them. (Tweet This)

Now that’s probably hard to hear from someone who claims to want to help you better your life right? Trust me, I struggle with the reality of my answer… that’s why I’m calling this Transparency Tuesday, but stick with me… it gets better. I promise.

People, in general, frustrate me. They upset me with how selfish they seem (and I’m talking about on a macro and micro level). I feel like people are selfish, egocentric and self-involved. They do what they want regardless of other people. And if we’re talking about the general public, I feel 90% of them are inconsiderate, and unaware of their surroundings. But why do I feel that way?

My goal in life is to help people achieve their goals and yet I can’t seem to like most of the human race, even 50% of the time. Now, I’m not an ogre or a judgemental asshole;

I don’t like people because I’ve let too many people treat me poorly.

And, I’ve let my emotions rule me when it comes to things they’ve done. Some people might not be offended by 70% of the things that happen to them – or around them – but not me, I take things very personally.

I’ve allowed this pattern in my life. I ‘ve allowed people to tell me one thing and then do another. I’ve allowed people to get away with things that affect me negatively because I usually talk myself out of my own feelings (until they resurface at a later date and are usually 10X stronger). I have been conditioned to believe that at some point, it was my fault and even if it’s a very minute contribution; I’m always partially to blame.

Feeling partial to blame, dilutes the impulse to be right. (Tweet This)

This is reinforced further by my need to please people. I want people to be proud of me. Sometimes it feels like a job, but in making that the emphasis – I’ve allowed myself to become different people in order to please whoever I’m spending time with. They will be proud of the person THEY see, not the person I AM.  The resentment I feel because of the ache to be myself is unbounded.

A friend of mine said something to me in a conversation before my birthday (which was in January – so yes, two months thinking about this). We were discussing what to wear when we went out. I asked her what her husband would think of the outfit she chose and she said, “I don’t dress for him; I dress for me.”

When I aim to please people, I become expectant of their reaction (I dress for them, not for me). When I expect a reaction from someone and they don’t deliver I’m upset not just in the fact that they didn’t respond but that I had “expected more from them.” When I expect more and am repeatedly let down the resentment settles in, and the final result:

I dislike all people, not just those I feel have hurt me.

Man, do I have some work to do!

Now it’s your turn: “what’s holding you back?” Are you ready to answer that question honestly?

Are You Impeding Your Own Success

How did I go from being an impulsive go-getter to an over-analytical observer?

How did I become afraid of my own instincts?

Sometimes we are faced with a fork in the road and while each direction has it’s pros & cons, ultimately one is the best choice. But, how do I know the choice I’m making will be the best one?

“Successful people make decisions quickly (as soon as all the facts are available) and change them very slowly (if ever). Unsuccessful people make decisions very slowly, and change them often and quickly.” – Napoleon Hill, The Science of Getting Rich

When I asked a Facebook group this question, the responses I got were variations of the same thing, “Go with your gut.” Going with your gut implies a predisposition or a sixth sense, or intuition even… often times “going with your gut” means to carry out an action based on instinct. However, in order to take action – we also need faith. 

“Make a choice, then make it right.” – Calvin Wayman (Tweet This)

How do you make decisions? Careful analysis of options? Discussion? Guidance from a mentor? Instinct?

Q: What happens when you doubt your instincts? 

A: We lose faith.

When I was young I was impulsive. I would leave a job before I even had another job to go to. I believed in the notion that everything would work out. Which, I learned later, was actually a clever disguise for the confidence I had in my grandparents, rather than an actual faith in myself. They always provided where I fell short. But I never hesitated to make a decision because I knew would help me if the decision I made turned out to be the wrong one. So I say again, faith. We impede our success when we lose faith in our ability to change or adapt any decision we make.

“When instinct is married with faith – we become unstoppable.” (Tweet This)

I spend more time weighing the options that eventually a decision is made for me by outside circumstances. I get angry with myself when I’m at the point of analysis paralysis.  Doubt creates a lack of faith and when no faith exists we don’t believe we can adapt. 

When we believe that our decisions are final, we often times fail to make any decision at all. (Tweet This)

What decision have you faced in your life? Were you quick to decide? Did it turn out the way you hoped? What do you think contributes to quick decision making? Is it faith?

Tell me about it!