Transparency Tuesday: I Don’t Like People!

Preface: Transparency Tuesday is a new concept I’d like to experiment with here on the blog. Each Tuesday my post will be about an issue I’m dealing with in my life, on a personal level. Whether it’s about the business I have (finding influencers, the struggle with giving things away for nothing, going “bankrupt” the first 3 months I was in business, etc), or my own personal issues surrounding love, life and being a mom. Please be kind. The only way we’re going to make change happen is when we’re honest with ourselves.

Now without further ado…. my very first #TransparencyTuesday….


What is holding you back?”

I have been asking myself that same question for what feels like more than half of my life. Since I was young I’ve been in pursuit of a higher plane of existence –  I’ve had an urge to live an unconventional life: doing purposeful things, making good money, and being happy. I’ve never wanted to just existBut for some reason, something stops me from breaking through the barrier.

Today, when I asked that elusive question I was really honest with myself, and the answer I had was this:

I have a distaste for people. . . which, is predicated on my expectations of them. (Tweet This)

Now that’s probably hard to hear from someone who claims to want to help you better your life right? Trust me, I struggle with the reality of my answer… that’s why I’m calling this Transparency Tuesday, but stick with me… it gets better. I promise.

People, in general, frustrate me. They upset me with how selfish they seem (and I’m talking about on a macro and micro level). I feel like people are selfish, egocentric and self-involved. They do what they want regardless of other people. And if we’re talking about the general public, I feel 90% of them are inconsiderate, and unaware of their surroundings. But why do I feel that way?

My goal in life is to help people achieve their goals and yet I can’t seem to like most of the human race, even 50% of the time. Now, I’m not an ogre or a judgemental asshole;

I don’t like people because I’ve let too many people treat me poorly.

And, I’ve let my emotions rule me when it comes to things they’ve done. Some people might not be offended by 70% of the things that happen to them – or around them – but not me, I take things very personally.

I’ve allowed this pattern in my life. I ‘ve allowed people to tell me one thing and then do another. I’ve allowed people to get away with things that affect me negatively because I usually talk myself out of my own feelings (until they resurface at a later date and are usually 10X stronger). I have been conditioned to believe that at some point, it was my fault and even if it’s a very minute contribution; I’m always partially to blame.

Feeling partial to blame, dilutes the impulse to be right. (Tweet This)

This is reinforced further by my need to please people. I want people to be proud of me. Sometimes it feels like a job, but in making that the emphasis – I’ve allowed myself to become different people in order to please whoever I’m spending time with. They will be proud of the person THEY see, not the person I AM.  The resentment I feel because of the ache to be myself is unbounded.

A friend of mine said something to me in a conversation before my birthday (which was in January – so yes, two months thinking about this). We were discussing what to wear when we went out. I asked her what her husband would think of the outfit she chose and she said, “I don’t dress for him; I dress for me.”

When I aim to please people, I become expectant of their reaction (I dress for them, not for me). When I expect a reaction from someone and they don’t deliver I’m upset not just in the fact that they didn’t respond but that I had “expected more from them.” When I expect more and am repeatedly let down the resentment settles in, and the final result:

I dislike all people, not just those I feel have hurt me.

Man, do I have some work to do!

Now it’s your turn: “what’s holding you back?” Are you ready to answer that question honestly?

Are You Impeding Your Own Success

How did I go from being an impulsive go-getter to an over-analytical observer?

How did I become afraid of my own instincts?

Sometimes we are faced with a fork in the road and while each direction has it’s pros & cons, ultimately one is the best choice. But, how do I know the choice I’m making will be the best one?

“Successful people make decisions quickly (as soon as all the facts are available) and change them very slowly (if ever). Unsuccessful people make decisions very slowly, and change them often and quickly.” – Napoleon Hill, The Science of Getting Rich

When I asked a Facebook group this question, the responses I got were variations of the same thing, “Go with your gut.” Going with your gut implies a predisposition or a sixth sense, or intuition even… often times “going with your gut” means to carry out an action based on instinct. However, in order to take action – we also need faith. 

“Make a choice, then make it right.” – Calvin Wayman (Tweet This)

How do you make decisions? Careful analysis of options? Discussion? Guidance from a mentor? Instinct?

Q: What happens when you doubt your instincts? 

A: We lose faith.

When I was young I was impulsive. I would leave a job before I even had another job to go to. I believed in the notion that everything would work out. Which, I learned later, was actually a clever disguise for the confidence I had in my grandparents, rather than an actual faith in myself. They always provided where I fell short. But I never hesitated to make a decision because I knew would help me if the decision I made turned out to be the wrong one. So I say again, faith. We impede our success when we lose faith in our ability to change or adapt any decision we make.

“When instinct is married with faith – we become unstoppable.” (Tweet This)

I spend more time weighing the options that eventually a decision is made for me by outside circumstances. I get angry with myself when I’m at the point of analysis paralysis.  Doubt creates a lack of faith and when no faith exists we don’t believe we can adapt. 

When we believe that our decisions are final, we often times fail to make any decision at all. (Tweet This)

What decision have you faced in your life? Were you quick to decide? Did it turn out the way you hoped? What do you think contributes to quick decision making? Is it faith?

Tell me about it!

 

The One Thing You Need to Do, to Change Your Life

Things don’t always go the way we plan. A human’s greatest desire is to be happy, so when things don’t go the way we plan…. we put all of our energy into the why. We don’t take any time to consider what we could have done differently. Instead, we tell anyone who will listen (or everyone we know) what happened and how it makes us feel. 

It’s natural to want other people’s support; we want to feel allied in our circumstances. We want to know that people feel bad for us and that someone cares. We want to feel like we’re not alone. The only problem is: 

It limits our ability (and desire) to take action and create change. 

I’m fairly certain you know someone like that right? We all have one in our lives: a person who complains about everything. But what they don’t realize is that sympathy and respect are not mutually exclusive. 

“There is no victory in being the victim.”

People don’t respect you because you have problems, they respect you when you attempt to overcome those problems. There’s no winning for losing…unless it forces you to change.

A situation doesn’t change because you talk about it, it doesn’t get better because someone feels bad for you, situation gets better when you take action.

So what actions can you take?

You only need one… and the rest will fall into place. DECIDE. 

Decide that you will not be a victim.

Don’t give a situation more power than it deserves. Change is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to be permanent.

Now is not forever…


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Are You a Good Friend?

Have you ever thought about what makes you a good friend? Recently I read an article that outlined the criteria for being a good friend and I have to be honest: I don’t think I’ve been a very good friend.

According to Mark, it isn’t how we react to our friends’ BAD news that matters so much, after all, they’re pretty down anyway. It’s what we have to say when our intimates present us with the GOOD news that determines the strength of our friendships – are we pleased for them? Do we voice our pride and support and shout loudly enough over that little voice inside us asking why we didn’t have a better day ourselves, or if they’ll remember to ask about us? – Caroline Frost – Finding Happiness, Huffington Post UK

How many times have you been sitting with a friend and as they tell you about something incredible that’s happened to them you’re distracted by your own thoughts?  Instead of listening and sharing in their excitement you’re jealous or maybe just waiting for a break in the conversation to talk about yourself.

It’s not about how you react to hearing your friends’ sorrows, it’s how you react to their joys….

Are you able to separate yourself from the “what about ME” mentality and genuinely be happy for them?

When I was little I had this picture album and on the cover was a little girl and a quote,

“Dear God, if I give all my love away can I have a refill?”

I use to feel like good things were limited, like if my friends had something happen to them then it was one less thing out there for me.

Good things in life are only limited if you limit yourself. It’s not your friend’s fault if good things aren’t happening for you. If you don’t take action to get what you want, good things won’t happen for you. (Next week we discuss – how KNOWING what good things you want to happen to you also helps….

Be happy for your friends, and don’t worry….it doesn’t take anything away from you or your future successes.

Maintaining Your Mediocrity

You didn’t really believe this was a blog post with instructions on how to maintain your mediocrity, did you? Good, because it’s not.

What do you think when I say,

“We maintain our mediocrity when we disregard the instructions as outlined by others of success.”

When we have knowledge of the rules and laws, and things we should do (proven steps that need to be taken) and we disregard them thinking we know better…WE FAIL

Does that sound familiar? You know you’ve done it; asked for help and then disregarded the instructions. You’ve justified it by saying, “I’m different than she is, it’s not going to work for me like that… I know myself.” And yet, you never see the success you were hoping to see.

If you want success and someone of success tells you how to get it – DO IT.

Don’t think you know better. If you did you would be where you want to be already.

Early last year, I decided I needed to make some changes in my life. I made the conscious effort to lose weight. I had given birth to my second child four years prior and was still suffering the hardships of carrying extra weight.

And thus arose an important question: “What do I need to do in order to be successful?”

I went to the people in my life who were losing weight. I asked their advice and took notes. I realized on a very cellular level, if they were doing it and I hadn’t had any success up to that point, their advice was probably valid and definitely useful. Then it was a matter of:

FOLLOW THROUGH.

DON’T MAKE EXCUSES.

DO THE RIGHT THING. 

 

I had a conversation with a co-worker shortly after I lost my 37th pound, about weight-loss – she wanted to know what I was doing to be so successful. I told her, “No fast food, no carbs, no processed food…” She turned to leave, “I think I’m going to try that.”

The next week she lost 10lbs…SUCCESS

The next time you find yourself at the precipice of a new challenge or adventure, and there is success to be had in your efforts, take note:

If you had all the answers you would be where you want to be already, and asking for help doesn’t stop at the asking. There is DOING to be done. And I know…YOU CAN DO IT. 

Has there been something in your life where you found yourself asking for help, only to talk yourself out of the advice that you received? Let’s talk about it!


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